Lessons

I recently read an article about being a high functioning schizophrenic which ended with the sentiment ‘I am high functioning with a condition that is very low functioning’, the implication being that in those cases it doesn’t actually take much to go from high to low function, and that change can happen really quickly.

What I took from the article is that I don’t respect my condition (bipolar) or myself enough. I don’t think I’m ‘high functioning’, merely functioning. I know things about myself, my triggers, the first signs of decline, the consequences, but I do nothing. I have already lost a significant amount of time, life, happiness, love, and many other uncountable things to this condition. I say I am not willing to lose any more but I don’t know if I am acting in a way that backs up that desire.

I have always considered myself to be strong, but I am not. I am very fragile. I am susceptible to words, a lack of words, actions, lack of actions. I need to get better at that because it is making my path through life very difficult – more difficult than it needs to be.

I do not know where to go from here.

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