What I miss about running is not what I thought I would miss.
I miss the feeling of freedom, the dappled sun on my face, running along the river for hours.
I ran again yesterday for the first time in over a month. It was hard, and I only managed 2kms (I know, right…) before I had to call it off. But one thing was great, and that was I am just unfit! I am just unfit, but that’s something that I can fix! I can run more and get fitter, and stronger, and faster again! It’s not like it was before I stopped running when I physically couldn’t run because my body felt like it was made of stone. Instead, I am just unfit. And I can fix that (as I have said).
I have been on the new medication for a few weeks now, and I am starting to feel a lot better. It’s not 100%, but I have come to terms with the fact that I won’t ever be 100% now. There will always be a something, but I would rather that something be from medication, and something that I have a bit of control over, than from my own brain attacking itself, which I have no control over.
Looking back over the past two years I realise how much I have lost and gained, and I do not want running to become a casualty of an illness that I cannot control. So I am going to control it, and that will be a struggle. An uphill battle. And, I always hated running hills.
But, at least I can train to get better at it.