I managed to run! (Small victories)

I recently wrote about the struggles that I have been having running, due to the new medication I am taking.

Well, I managed to run two days ago for a whoppingly great 2.7km.  But – I felt okay.  Not great.  More tired than I should after less than 3km, but not ruined.

Is this a good sign?  I hope so.  I am going to perhaps try and run again tonight after the Neon Toddler is in bed, probably the same route, and see how I feel.

Then I will be taking all of this to the doctor on Friday to say…  Hello!  This is not cool!  Running makes me feel better, it shouldn’t be one of the things that makes me feel worse.

I have also noticed that the exhaustion wears off more quickly in the morning and sets in less quickly in the evening.  I managed to stay up until almost midnight last Saturday.  A and I had a party (which was lovely!) but by around 10:30pm I was starting to get ready to go to bed.  I wasn’t the best host going around as I spent most of the evening sitting down, but that happens.

There was only one sour note on the whole night (which was mostly expected, and I won’t go into detail about), but apart from that it went well (and most importantly my Pavlova was GREAT!).

Anyway – I had better get back to doing some actual work while I have the energy to do so!

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More explanation.

So, as many of you are probably aware, I have bipolar.  Around May of last year I, with my doctors, decided that it was time for me to come off medication.  At the time I was taking Abilify and Fluoxetine.  I was not going very well on the medication – tiredness and brain fuzz, mainly due to the Fluoxetine, and when I was not taking that my obsessive-compulsive behaviour skyrocketted.

I was coping really well off the medication until a few months ago when things really went very downhill.  The only thing I felt that I could competently do was look after my daughter, and almost literally all of my energy went in to that.  I made the decision to go back on medication, and have been back on Abilify for around a month.  Things are going well.

Except when they aren’t, and that’s when I (try to) run.  I am so tired all the time, but more painful that that is that my body just has nothing.  I can’t even say that my body has no energy, because it’s even worse than that.  I have nothing.  I cannot run for more than about 4.5kms (even with significant walking breaks) before my body shuts down.

I am going to talk to my doctor about this at our next appointment, but in the mean time, I am struggling without the ability to run.  And because running has been so difficult, I am losing the will to even try.

As such, the two half marathons, marathon, and ultra that I have planned over the next six months might be a pipe dream.

Please consider supporting me anyway – I am fundraising for Mind, the Mental Health charity, and you can donate here, or by texting EMST83 £xx (i.e. insert the amount to donate, e.g. EMST83 £3) to 70070.

I will update as much as I can, and hopefully will be able to update with some good news soon.  If I cannot run comfortably for 15km within the next month I am going to have to pull out of the two halfs in March, and Paris marathon – my cardio fitness seems to be fine, and I feel that if I can sort out the tiredness then this is an achievable goal.

Thanks.

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