I’d love to say that days like these are getting further and further apart, but they aren’t. They’re getting closer and closer together. They are becoming more and more frequent.
I find parenting challenging. I found parenting a baby very boring, and I find parenting a toddler very frustrating. But, that’s not the problem: all parents have days that are a challenge.
Being a (part-time) stay-at-home mum is making me a shitty mum and a shitty person. When I spend my days thinking about all the things I’d rather be doing than hanging out with my kid, that makes me a shitty mum. I want to enjoy my time with my kid, because my kid is awesome. My kid is amazing and wonderful and clever and beautiful. I don’t neglect my kid. But, there are heaps more things I could do. I could be working.
Yep. I would rather be working than parenting.
I think a lot of this is coming up as my stress levels rise, and as I am working though myself post-mini-breakdown.
I don’t wish I didn’t have Neon Toddler. I just wish that I could afford to have her in full time care so I could work, on my thesis and job applications and postdoc proposal and all the other things I’d like to do.
I’m a shitty, shitty person.